When working in the land of emotional trauma as I do they say you are either an "orchid" or a "dandelion", with beautiful and somewhat fragile orchids only able to thrive in certain specific gentle condiditons and the hearty dandelions being able to thrive anywhere. When I first learned of these I laughed but then I quickly realized what they ment and how true these herbal references were. References that would make even more sense given the population I was serving at the time.  I would even take it one step further with my understanding that the "dandalion" is often known as a weed and something to "get rid of".  Ironic since we should all be striving to be more like the resilient dandilion, and to think it is something that should be thrown away says a lot about the world we live in, mental health talk aside. 

At the time I learned of these terms I was working with teens who had essentially been "tossed away", like we often do with weeds.  These teens had complex issues from incarceration and abues to neglect and homelessness, they ould not only be considered dandilions but were litteraly tossed aside by society, family and more. The funny thing was that while we generally dont want weeds in the garden, they are in fact the most resilient thing there. I have taken baby care of flowers to help them grow, nurtured as if I was mother nature herself, and they end up not doing so well.  I then look two feet to the left growing out of a crack in the sidwalk is a weed, a dandilion thriving without any care given to it (pretty sure not only has it not been cared for but also stepped on numerous times).  The youth I worked with was no exception. Society, family and more had failed these guys and were tossing them out, even with all they had gone through they often showed me the most resiliency, especially compared to others I was/had worked with.  There were some that had gone through unimaginable things in life and not only were they still standing, but also still persaviering. These kids had a drive to "make it" more than those who seemed to have their life all mapped out with a pretty bow wrapped around it. They were my dandilions growing on their own in the crack of lifes sidwalk. This lead me to research even more about emotional resiilence.  Why do some crumble at the slightest thing, while others can show strength and an willingness through unsurmontable obsticles.   

For the past several years now I have been continuing my research and understanding of emotionI resiilence, giving speeches and doing workshops helping others understand, recognize and change. In addition to my research I also have over 9,000 client hours under my belt where I have worked with many and seen first hand the various levels of resiliency and it continues to amaze me. Becasue of the work I do and have done, I can tell you from my experiences that I have seen those with a higher degree of emotional resilience have the ability to handle not only the stresses that come with daily life more effectively and calmly, but are also able to manage crises and traumatic events with more ease.  I am amazed at the level of resiliency some of my clients have, given their past challenges they should no longer be standing, yet not only are they standing but like I mentioned before they are continuing to strive for better in the face of continuous obsticles.

  So What Exactly is Emotional Resilience?
Emotional resilience refers to an individuals ability to adapt to stressful situations or event. Individuals who are more resilient are able to "roll with the punches" and adapt more easy to the situation(s) at hand without lasting difficulties. Less resilient individuals may have a harder time with stress and traumatic events, both major and minor, choosing to crumble, avoid or give-up altogether.  Resilience has its benefits for both daily life stressers as well as for any traumatic events that may also occur.

What Influences Emotional Resilience?

It is said by many that "emotional resilience is something you're born with". But it has been my opinion that this is not entirely the case. Some even will say that it is in a persons nature that they are less stressed or affected by change or stressful events.  While I can agree with this to a certain extent, again I don t belive it is something those individuals were born with.  There are many factors that go into a persons resiiliency and even level of resiliency. What I have found is that what may appear to be something someone was born with, may in fact be something they learned while young, by possibly being around people who were highly resilient themselves. In other cases young people learn to become reseilient out of necessity to survive and that resiliency continues to grow with them, thus appearing to be something they were "born with". 

For me I see emotional resilience as a trait that can be developed or learned. In fact, it's a trait that is worth developing for many reasons. In doing so it can transform your life and your experience in handeling of stress or stressful situations. Because I belive resiliency can be developed, I don't see it as soemthing that you either posess or dont possess. The reason I dont believe this is that there are varying degress of reciliency as well various levels within the traits that generally are accosiated with resiliency, traits we find matching in most who are considered resilient.  Individuals can be real resilient with certain stressors and have zero resiliency with others. Resiliency is not a package you are given where everything in there is all you need for any situation. It truly depends on your development and the environment you developed in. 

Below shown on the left are some of the traits or characteristics that resilient individuals seem to share, while on the right we have some tips on how to get or strengthen those traits to help yourself become more resilient.

In this day and age it is said most people of all ages are stressed and a significant proportion of individuals feel their stress coping abilities are inadequate. With people feeling more stressed as they try and juggle the daily demands of life, this can easily lead to individuals mental and physical health taking a hit.

As someone herself that has had to build her reslilience skills up, I cant stress the importance of managing your stress levels in a healthy way.  Learning a better understanding of resiliency and stress, along with stratagies, can ultimately give you the help you need to better control your situation(s) and life.   

In a wold that is full of individuals wanting to be a beautiful perfect orchid, I say be proud to the be the dandilion, do the work needed to strengthen, and let the inner beauty of strenghth shine.  Orchids may be beautiful, but in the world we live in now, only the dandilions will continue to grow.