Have you ever set out for a goal and then found yourself standing in your own way. Maybe you were even unaware that you were purpously setting yourself up to fail before even starting. 
 
Do you know that whether you are aware or not you actively, or even passively, do things to prevent yourself from reaching what you set out to do. The funny thing is you might not even be aware of it.  The other thing is that during the goal setting you might have had several thoughts come up where you started putting up roadblocks even BEFORE finishing the process.   

So what's up?  

Why would someone who wants to achieve something put obstacles in their own way?  

The answer lies within you, it's your limited beliefs, that negative inner self talk that is ingrained in our bodies due to negative past experiences or abuse.  Furthermore these beliefs manifest in what we call self-sabotage.  
 

So what is self sabotage?

Self-sabotaging behaviour can affect nearly every aspect of life from relationships, career goals, or personal goals such as weight loss. This frustrating cycle of behaviour does more than hold us back from obtaining our goals, it lowers our self-confidence and leads to a lack of belief in ourselves.

What are some of the reasons we self sabotage?

Lack of self-worth – We do not believe in ourselves, we lack that self-confidence. The internal dialogue we are constantly having with ourselves, you know the one, where we start reminding ourselves we are not smart enough, qualified enough, or good enough to have what we want. Where did these notions come from? Chances are they were formed from your childhood but they can also be formed or reenforced during adulthood. Did you ever have a parent,teacher, boss or someone in your life tell you you were not smart enough, can't seem to do anything right,  didn’t feel you were “qualified” or able to do a job duty?  Here is the thing, when you start to hear something over and over again, you may start to belive that it is true and once more, you start living those lies as if they were  actually true. The end result of years of this behavior is you not stepping out of that and trying new things, meeting new people or dare I say, set out to achieve any type of goal.

We fear success – To go along with lacking self confidence, we tend to have an irrational fear of success. We worry that we truly aren’t qualified or prepared and because of that we don't even try. You stop yourself before ever getting started. To take this even further if you ever did decide to take the steps toward goal achievement when you see you are getting close to achieving that  goal you may start doing things to stop yourself from achieving the goal.  Why would you stop yourself?  One reason is that you have been probably told multiple times by various people that you are not good, not qualified, not ........“fill in the blank”.

We fear failure – Most of our lives are ran by fear. We fear that even if we “give it our all”, it will still not be enough. You probably spent most of your life not being praised (not even a little bit), or recognized, so you don't know what that is like and all you know is “failure”, even if its not true failure. It is easier to give yourself reasons as to why you failed than to truly give it your all.  I mean how many times have you set out to do something and said BEFORE starting " I dont know why I even bother it's not like it's going to happen".  And to add to this when you do fail, or really we should say "not reach your goal", you will generally start looking for other reasons to justify your not succeeding at a particular task. The old "well I didn't get "x" becuase of "y"". And that "y" is the fault of others or other circumstances, we find some way to justify the failure.  

            How do I know if I am self-sabotaging?

 While the above mentioned are just a couple of examples of why we self   sabotage you can see how things all interweave together and it can keep     you in a cycle of negative behavior, not only the cycle of negative behavior   but also the cycle of not attempting goals, trying new things, meeting new     people or growing as an individual.

       How can you recognize you are self-sabotaging?  

 Start asking questions:  Are you avoiding what needs to be done,       procrastinating, maybe focusing on self-defeating thoughts or have   negative limited beliefs going on?  

  If a yes was to any of those questions, you might be self-sabotaging. 
 
 

How can you overcome self-sabotaging behavior?

Once we identify the “why” you can then begin to take steps to overcome this destructive behaviour. Start by making a list of all the things preventing you from having what you want. Now let's get real with yourself.  Look at what is truly holding you back. Identify the things, like unfounded self-doubt, untrue negative self-talk and even procrastination. If you (like pretty much everyone) are afraid of failure, consider listing all the ways you have succeeded in the past.  Take it a step further and even look at the failures and understand the “why“ behind not reaching the end result, the why did it fail. We need to start looking at "failure" as learning opportunities as cliche as that sounds. We also need to look at not hitting a mark or obtaining a goal the first time around as an ok thing to do.  Look at all the things you have already achieved. Remember what you overcame to achieve those things and work on boosting your confidence realizing that you HAVE the ability to achieve things you set out to do.

Be kind and understanding to yourself. Understand that we are human and can’t (an won't) always be perfect, and we won’t always get what we want in the first (or even second) attempt.  Accepting this shouldn’t limit your ability to try, it should instead guide you to continue working on yourself and attempting new things which may lead to new opportunities, and be open to those. Stop focusing on what you think you do wrong and work on recognizing what you do right.   

                  It's OK to ask for help
If you are having difficulty working through your fear and self-sabotaging behavior and have had enough, you want to change but maybe unsure how to  start.  Consider speaking with a counselor or a life coach. 
 
If you are feeling stuck and lost as to where or how to start, its ok there is nothing wrong with you. Chances are you have a lot of emotional thoughts and limited beliefs that are holding you down.  Its ok to reach out for help. This is why I tell my clients as a life coach I am going to help you move forward but we might have to touch on your past a bit.  Sometimes I have to help my clients untangle the past a bit, its like cleaning out some debris in the river so the water can start flowing again. We have to clear out some past debre so that you can gain clarity and be able to do the work needed to make progress toward the success you have chosen.