Everywhere you look there are Candies, Flowers, Jewelry and Greeting Cards, all with some sort of love sentiment…..  that's right Valentine's Day is here.  

Valentine’s Day did not start off as a romantic holiday and it wasn’t until the 14th century that it started getting recognized as a day of love and even more interesting it was not until the 18th century that the idea of gift giving started.  We can thank Richard Cadbury for introducing the idea of presenting chocolates in special heart shaped boxes to start that whole trend we see today. In today's world Valentines Day has gone .....well…. out of control in my opinion.  I mean it's always been my opinion that shouldn’t we be letting our loved ones know we love them all the time, not just on one “special day”.  

As someone in the mental health field it Is always interesting to see all the different groups of people we have on this day and how people act and react  I work with many clients a little extra on days leading up to this holiday, I can’t say it was the best holiday for myself growing up even.  One group, perhaps the largest group are those in relationships who feel if they don’t receive certain gifts they are somehow not admired or loved, and to take that one step further, if the gift is not big or expensive, then this equates to they are not  loved enough. I mean how many people want the big or expensive stuff just so they can post on instagram and on that same hand how many feel the pressure to buy something big enough to be instagram worthy.  With social media as such a big player in today’s society, it's simply not good enough to give a card and chocolates anymore.  Studies have shown that many go into debt during this holiday in the quest of trying to buy the “right stuff” to show how much they care, feeling the stress and pressure to do so.  Nowadays there is a need to buy expensive handbags, elaborate dinners and in some cases go on weekend getaways, all to say “I care”.  

While there are many who admire this day of love and go all out, for others it's just a day they hope to survive through. We have the singles who this day just reminds them how lonely they are, and again thanks to social media this is further compounded by singles feeds being flooded with all the relationship flaunting on this “special” day.   And something that many forget is that for some this is a day of increased stress, anxiety and painful memories that may include loss or abuse. 

I always hated this holiday from early on. As an elementary school child this holiday brought days and weeks of stress upon me, to the point of upset stomach and trembling in the chest area. I was consumed with fear over this impending holiday.  I would beg not to go to school this day, but I was sent anyway sick or not.  See  I was the kid who was called ugly (among other names), did not get any special valentines and usually got less valentines than others during the popular "lets count out our valentines to see who has the most" time of the class party. I grew up in a time where there was no “class party everyone gets a valentine” mandate, I was of the generation that you got one becuase someone wanted to give you one, you didn’t have to “play nice” and include everyone.  As the years went on it didn’t get better, I mean I am not sure if middle shool or high school was the worst, just more painful reminders of how “unloved” I was and it was on a bigger scale with small index card valentines being replaced with balloons, stuffed animals and enough flowers that could rival the rose parade. 

Its funny but even today, in my 40’s, I can still feel that little girls fear of valentines day.  
The thing about trauma is that our bodies remember, those physical sensations, emotional responses all stay in our bodies and its not just about bad memories, in some cases trauma can rear it's ugly head and place individuals right back into a situation their body doesn't understand it's not really in. Remember to be kind to yourself and to others on this day and anyday, you never know what someone else may be experiencing.